What Comes First: Work or Family?
Summer Survival Guide: Prioritizing What Matters
Glimpse One—Yiannis
His colleagues call Yiannis Sicloop a human metronome. But, his rapid-fire thoughts, usually clicking at an impressive, relentless pulse, had skidded and stopped. His fingers hovered above the keyboard as his eyes read and re-read the email from his boss, Liam Ban.
It loomed large on his screen: “Ensure you have a coverage plan for your vacation. We can’t afford any gaps.”
His upcoming eight-day vacation, a long-awaited opportunity to unwind with his family, was now shadowed by his job's demands.
Yiannis had always been ambitious. His role at the tech startup was demanding but fulfilling. Yet, he couldn’t shake off the guilt that accompanied every extra hour he spent at work instead of with his family.
I am the rope in an evil tug-of-war. How can I ever prioritize among these important sides?
He glanced at the photo of his wife, Merina, and their baby boy, now six, Michalis, on his desk. Merina had been understanding and supportive even, but he knew the strain his long hours put on their relationship.
The draft of his coverage plan included days and times he would ‘check in’ from his trip.
Yiannis couldn’t help but wonder: Was he sacrificing too much of his family life for his career? Or was this the necessary price of ambition in the modern world?
Glimpse Two—Merina
Merina Sicloop balanced a pot of simmering stew in one hand while cradling her phone in the other, scrolling through her work emails. As an architect juggling deadlines and client meetings, her days were as packed as Yiannis’. When Yiannis told her about Liam’s email, she felt a familiar pang of frustration mixed with empathy.
She had her own battles with balancing career aspirations and motherhood. The traditional expectations of being the primary caregiver often clashed with her desire to excel in her profession. She admired Yiannis’ dedication to his job but wished there was more time for them as a family.
It feels like the burden of unexpected parenting responsibilities always falls on her shoulders. Michalis is running a fever and must be picked up. Make time for the class volunteer stint of the designated month for the family. Remember to buy cupcakes free of nuts and gluten for their son’s birthday afternoon break at school. All her.
The thing is, planning and prepping for this family vacation was yet another entry in her multi-matrixed to-do list. She pushed thoughts of how she’ll still need to wake everyone up and get their son dressed and ready for the tours she booked.
After putting Michalis to bed this evening because Yiannis was still working on his coverage plan, Merina plopped down on the sofa. Watching her husband, she saw the exhaustion in his eyes and knew it mirrored in her own.
“I think I need a solo vacation after this family vacation,” she said softly.
If I’m not around, will Yiannis understand the extra weight I carry as a mother?
Glimpse Three—Liam Ban
Liam Ban stared at his monitor, a dozen tabs open, each representing a different crisis or project.
As the CEO of a burgeoning tech startup, he understood the pressures his employees faced. He valued hard work but also believed in maintaining a balance — even as it eluded him.
Yiannis was one of his top technologists, and ensuring his well-being was crucial.
When he emailed about the coverage plan, Liam hoped Yiannis would understand it wasn’t just about the company’s needs. It was also about setting boundaries, ensuring his star employee could fully enjoy his time off without worrying about work.
But Liam knew the industry’s reality. Boundaries were meant to be blurred, and disruption in work or life was inevitable. His two divorces proved it.
Reflecting on his own experiences, Liam wondered: How can we, as leaders, better support our people to find this seemingly inaccessible balance? Are we asking too much? Are we just exasperating the harsh realities of modern work when we expect them to do more work before and after their holidays?
Glimpse Four—Michalis
Michalis is six. He likes to play and read stories with his dad. But his dad works a lot and sometimes misses bedtime. Mommy is with him more but shushes him a lot when her computer goes, Zoom Zoom!
Michalis doesn’t get why his parents have to work so much. He knows that if they try, they will see that play is more fun!
Mommy and Daddy talk about work stuff Michalis doesn’t understand.
As he drifted off to sleep, clutching his stuffed animal, Michalis wondered innocently: Why do mommy and daddy have to work so much? Isn’t being together the most important thing?
© K. Joseph 2024, All Rights Reserved.
This is an update to a story by K. Joseph, first published on Medium.com.
Modern Family Dynamics
How much time should I allocate to myself, couplehood, family, friends, work, and community today?
This is the question for most navigating adulting in 2024. Every summer, the stakes increase as many couples and parents have to shoehorn time off into that prioritization exercise.
The question that arises for us, dear readers, becomes: In pursuing ambition and success, what are we willing to sacrifice, and what should come first?
How do you answer this question for yourself?
"Yiannis had always been ambitious. His role at the tech startup was demanding but fulfilling. Yet, he couldn’t shake off the guilt that accompanied every extra hour he spent at work instead of with his family."